Today I start a new journey. As much as I wish it was destination Florida or New Zealand to visit some dear friends…this one is gonna be a little longer and a lot harder. I have been diagnosed with uterine cancer.
I’ve lost some friends and family members to cancer. I have spent endless hours talking to them before they passed away, and listened to their stories, their struggles, and their thoughts on what they would change about their choices if they had a chance to start again. Each one of them faced their battle differently.
I have often thought that if I ever heard that word come from my doctor’s mouth, I would opt to do nothing, live my life as normally as possible for what time I had left, and go quietly and gently into the night. Strangely tho, now that I’ve actually heard that word, and had my initial cry, I feel quite differently. I’m not ready to let go of this life just yet. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my friends, my family, and the things I so very much love. I don’t want my mother to have to grieve for a 2nd lost child. I don’t want my husband to experience another loss in his life. He’s already lost way too much. I still have way to much loving, tormenting, teasing, and giving to do. I have too many laughs left in me that haven’t been laughed. I have too many tears left that haven’t been shed. I have too much love left that hasn’t been shared. I guess I’m just not the type to go “quietly and gently into the night”.
I do not want Pity. I do not ask “why me”. This is the lot God has cast my way, and I accept that. I also believe that He will be with me every step of the way. I believe there is a purpose for this, as there has been for everything else in my life. I also know that He has provided me with many blessings…a loving husband, a loving family, friends from all over the world who are sending love and prayers.
I am going to try and blog my way thru this all, not only as catharsis for myself, but to let my friends and family know what’s happening in a way that is not intrusive on their lives. They can choose whether or not to follow along.
I don’t feel ready, but who does? Let the journey BEGIN!
Blessings!
ruth1955 