Wow. It’s been 17 days now since I heard the doctor say the “c” word. I feel like I’m in limbo – some kind of netherworld, where you can’t move forward and can’t move backward. All you can do is wait. My next test isn’t scheduled until the 17th of this month, so I have ten more days to sit here and overthink everything. Waiting is hard.
For some reason I thought it would be different than it is. I thought I would feel different, look different, think different, act different. But really, nothing has changed. I go to bed at night, read my book and fall asleep. I get up, go about my daily activities, do what needs to be done, and pretty much behave as normal. Life just goes on, like it always does.
Sometimes there are reminders, one’s that I can’t ignore, of what is happening in my body. Sometimes I wish the incessant bleeding would just stop. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so fatigued. But I remind myself that these things will pass once the tests are done, and my doctor and I discuss treatment options. I guess I want everything to be over and done with.
I haven’t been writing much, because there really isn’t much to write about lol. I’ve had good days. I’ve had bad days. But the best days are the ones that I can spend laughing with my friends, enjoying myself with people I love, and doing the things I love to do.
Again, I want to thank you all for your prayers, for your friendship, for your love. I want to thank you for the laughter, and for your understanding when I get a little cranky or forgetful. I praise God for all of you!